Hurricane Party

Hurricane Party
Cowboy Mouth

(Paul) A little piano from John Thomas Griffith. He’s usually grippin’ and rippin’ the lead guitar. Give it up for John over there. This is what we call in New Orleans a hurricane party. Kick it Freddy!
(Fred) Ah one! Ah Two! Ah one two three four!

 

My hurricane party got outta control
I’m lying in the gutter eatin’ tootsie rolls
With red ant bites all over my ass
Beating on my buddies with a baseball bat

 

We had a little party me and my friends
A hurricane was coming to New Orleans again
somebody brought scotch somebody brought beer
I shoulda’ kept the hooch and thrown’em outta here

 

A friendly game a penny a hand
Smoke a cigar act like a man
Waintin’ for the gale force winds to blow
Shuffle up the cards and let the liquor flow

 

My hurricane party got outta control
I’m lying in the gutter eatin’ tootsie rolls
With red ant bites all over my ass
Beating on my buddies with a baseball bat

 

Somebody’s girlfriend showed up by surprise
With cookies in her hands and dollar signs in her eyes
I started dipping her cookies in scotch
Well she won all my money and my pocket watch

 

Well I passed out and I woke up
The house was empty and so was my cup
From out on the front porch I heard them shout
I wish they’d come in so I could throw them out

 

My hurricane party got outta control
I’m lying in the gutter eatin’ tootsie rolls
With red ant bites all over my ass
Beating on my buddies with a baseball bat JTG!

 

Everybody’s wrestling out in the dirt
I laughed so hard till my stomach hurt
They saw me clean they heard me laugh
They started charging at me and I grabbed the bat

 

My hurricane party got outta control
I’m lying in the gutter eatin’ tootsie rolls
With red ant bites all over my ass
Beating on my buddies with a baseball bat
Beating on my buddies with a baseball bat
Beating on my buddies with a baseball bat

Drunk Dial to the New Orleans Saints by Shaneika Dabney

As we gear up for a Pats/Giants Superbowl this year, Saints fans are still getting over the loss to San Francisco.  This article pretty much sums it up.

“My Drunk Dial to the New Orleans Saints” – by Shaneika Dabney

Hey…it’s me…Nola Chick. I’m just here on my couch having a few glasses of wine and thinking about you and about us. We had some wild times, right? Right?? (Nervous laughter) I probably shouldn’t have called but… I have a few things to get off my chest. I guess I was just wondering, what happened? We were so happy then all of a sudden… it’s over. Just like that.

I keep asking myself what I’m going to do on Sundays. Sundays were our days! And we were supposed to take that big trip to Indianapolis in a couple of weeks. Now, I’ll just spend that weekend at home, thinking about what might have been. I feel empty, you know? I just want it to go back to the way it was a few months ago when we were riding high and it seemed like nothing could stop us. It’s like, I can’t turn on the TV or listen to the radio without being reminded of how things were.

I’M DYING OVER HERE!!! AND SOMETIMES I WONDER IF YOU EVEN CARE!!! I MEAN, DO YOU EVEN CARE???? OR IS IT JUST ALLLLL ABOUT YOU?? HAVE YOU EVEN STOPPED FOR ONE SECOND TO THINK ABOUT HOW YOUR ACTIONS AFFECT ME? DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT ME?!! SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I HATE YOU!!!

I’m sorry. (sobbing at this point) I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just that, I miss what we had.
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep. I’m just… I’m lost. I can’t believe you did what you did and I can’t believe who you did it with. The 49ers? Those skanks? They don’t deserve the happiness we had together.
Part of me wants to grab a bat, get in my car, drive to San Francisco right now and… no, no… I won’t go there.

I’m better than that. I’ll just say what goes around comes around.

Anways, I want to know what we can do to make this right again. Or have you moved on, already? Yeah, I bet that’s what it is. You’ve moved on already.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU’RE SO **BLEEPIN** SELFISH!!! NO SERIOUSLY, YOU’RE JUST SELFISH. IF YOU CARED ABOUT ME, YOU WOULDN’T HAVE LET THINGS GET TO THIS POINT. YOU WOULD HAVE DONE WHATEVER IT TOOK TO MAKE IT WORK. YOU PUT ME ON THIS EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER AND YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST GET OVER IT? REALLY? JUST LIKE THAT?? I HATE YOU!!!!!

(Violently sobbing now)I don’t hate you, baby. You know I don’t mean that. I’m just hurt. I’m sitting here, listening to “Stand Up and Get Crunk” on repeat, wearing that t-shirt I wore on our special day back in February of 2010, thinking about how happy we were and driving myself nuts. I probably shouldn’t have called. I’m sorry I called. I really do hope you’re happy. I’m not just saying that. I want you to be happy because when you care about someone you want the best for them. I just wish I could be happy too, but I guess there’s no way to make that happen.

(Chugs more wine)

Maybe this time apart will be good for us. Maybe once we think about what went wrong, we can figure out how to make it right. But only a few months apart, okay? Maybe once the summer is over we can start fresh. I really think we can have what we had again.

Well, you were probably busy so I won’t keep you any longer. And I know you probably think I’m drunk but I’m not. (I’m totally drunk) I’m just emotional and having a hard time dealing with things.
So anyways, I’ll let you go. Before I do… please say those two little words to me. I know it’s hard to say but I need to hear it. Okay, I’ll go first…

(Deep and heavy sigh)

Who dat.

(This article was originally posted on the website Chicks in the Huddle)

Happy Holidays Y’all!

Dear Readers:  I will be taking a temporary hiatus from writing for the Holiday Season.  Happy Holidays Y’all!

Twas the night before Christmas an’ all t’ru de house,
Dey don’t a ting pass Not even a mouse.
De chirren been nezzle good snug on de flo’,
An’ Mama pass de pepper t’ru de crack on de do’.

De Mama in de fireplace done roas’ up de ham,
Sit up de gumbo an’ make de bake yam.
Den out on de by-you dey got such a clatter,
Make soun’ like old Boudreau done fall off his ladder.

I run like a rabbit to got to de do’,
Trip over de dorg an’ fall on de flo’.
As I look out de do’in de light o’ de moon,
I t’ink, “Mahn, you crazy or got ol’ too soon.”

Cux dere on de by-you w’en I stretch ma’neck stiff,
Dere’s eight alligator a pullin’ de skiff.
An’ a little fat drover wit’ a long pole-ing stick,
I know r’at away got to be ole St.Nick.

Mo’ fas’er an’ fas’er de’ gator dey came
He whistle an’ holler an’ call dem by name:
“Ha, Gaston! Ha, Tiboy! Ha, Pierre an’ Alcee’!
Gee, Ninette! Gee, Suzette! Celeste an’Renee’!

To de top o’ de porch to de top o’ de wall,
Make crawl, alligator, an’ be sho’ you don’ fall.”
Like Tante Flo’s cat t’ru de treetop he fly,
W’en de big ole houn’ dorg come a run hisse’s by.

Like dat up de porch dem ole ‘gator clim!
Wit’ de skiff full o’ toy an’ St. Nicklus behin’.
Den on top de porch roof it soun’ like de hail,
W’en all dem big gator, done sot down dey tail.

Den down de chimney I yell wit’ a bam,
An’ St.Nicklus fall an’ sit on de yam.
“Sacre!” he axclaim, “Ma pant got a hole
I done sot ma’se’f on dem red hot coal.”

He got on his foots an’ jump like de cat
Out to de flo’ where he lan’ wit’ a SPLAT!
He was dress in musk-rat from his head to his foot,
An’ his clothes is all dirty wit’ ashes an’ soot.

A sack full o’ playt’ing he t’row on his back,
He look like a burglar an’ dass fo’ a fack.
His eyes how dey shine his dimple, how merry!
Maybe he been drink de wine from de blackberry.

His cheek was like a rose his nose a cherry,
On secon’ t’ought maybe he lap up de sherry.
Wit’ snow-white chin whisker an’ quiverin’ belly,
He shook w’en he laugh like de stromberry jelly!

But a wink in his eye an’ a shook o’ his head,
Make my confi-dence dat I don’t got to be scared.
He don’ do no talkin’ gone strit to hi work,
Put a playt’ing in sock an’ den turn wit’ a jerk.

He put bot’ his han’ dere on top o’ his head,
Cas’ an eye on de chimney an’ den he done said:
“Wit’ all o’ dat fire an’ dem burnin’ hot flame,
Me I ain’ goin’ back by de way dat I came.”

So he run out de do’ an, he clim’ to de roof,
He ain’ no fool, him for to make one more goof.
He jump in his skiff an’ crack his big whip,
De’ gator move down, An don’ make one slip.

An’ I hear him shout loud as a splashin’ he go,
“Merry Christmas to all ’til I saw you some mo’!”

-Cajun Night Before Christmas by James Rice

Revel With a Cause

Quote

A classic from 2003…

So I’ve been chosen to open this supplement issue with a few words about the party and nightlife scene in New Orleans, eh? Hmmm … this makes me wonder a bit. After all, there are so many people more qualified than I for this honor, dubious though it may be. Perhaps I have been chosen because I have spent more than a few nights in this great city not as the drummer and lead singer for Cowboy Mouth, but as just another inebriated reveler in a town with too many of those to count. If that is the case, then I humbly accept my assignment. I hope I do Gambit proud.
It’s a little known fact that fun was actually invented right here in the great city of New Orleans. I know, I know … there have been other cities that claim to have had “nightlife” in the past. But all of those places merely aspire to a certain nocturnal naughtiness that we just regard as part of the natural genetic makeup of the fools and lunatics who populate the metro New Orleans area.

In this town, there is adventure in almost every crevice. It is where most people come in order to discover the very best or the very worst of themselves. A recent online survey said that New Orleans is the top spot that people travel to in order to engage in illicit romantic affairs. Can you think of a better place? Neither can I.

And with each personal adventure on which one may embark in this hallowed city of scandal, there is a drink and/or a piece of music that will fit the accompanying situation. Kermit Ruffins and a cold bottle of Dixie or an Abita draft will just about cure any blues that ail you. Any number of Nevilles, Meters, Battistes or Porters can exorcise demons through unearthly rhythms that simply do not exist beyond our borders. The casual, late-night wildness of the Red Eye Bar on South Peters or the early morning pool tabletop dancing at F & M’s are both good places to let your hair down, have a stiff whiskey and tell the world to go to hell, if necessary.

There’s music built into the walls of the Maple Leaf, the tiles of Tipitina’s, the concrete of the Howlin’ Wolf, the lanes of the Rock ‘n’ Bowl, and the sidewalks of Frenchmen Street. Music pours from the pores of the brick and dirt designed to trick us into believing that we are, in fact, not below sea level and can never, ever be washed away with the whim of the tide and the shift of the storm. We are willingly seduced by the idea that the debt of the dark can be paid with continuous dancing, laughing, singing and drinking — the idea that reality can be stemmed, that morning will never come, at least for right now.

However, within the subconscious knowledge of our eventual fate as part of the river’s soul and soil is a damned-if-we-do-damned-if-we-don’t celebratory attitude that pervades the heart of the nightlife here. The afternoon/evening hours of Mardi Gras day give this spirit its best expression, when the most ardent of revelers defiantly cling to their mantra against all physical, spiritual and emotional sanity: “must … keep … partying.”

It’s not that we defy logic here, we just have our own definition of it. The spirit of celebration for any New Orleanian, in and of itself, is paramount to the myriad of woes that 21st century living has wrought upon us. It is through the craziness that we find our sanity. It is through the laughter that we find our tears. It is through losing our minds that we find our hearts.

Other cities may cite our insatiable desire for merriment as some sort of collective local fault, something that should inspire guilt or shame, something for which we should repent. Let outsiders call it what they will. It is part of our DNA. It is what our parents did and what our children will most probably do, God help them.

It is an essential part of who we are.

So the next time you’re out, raise a glass in toast to the alluring surreality that is New Orleans. In defiance of a world gone mad, we here have the common sense to celebrate our great city, our way of life, and — most important of all — ourselves.

Cheers!

Fred LeBlanc for Gambit on September 9, 2003

The Teachings of Ignatius J. Reilly

The personalities in New Orleans are about as dimensional as a doberge cake.  The multifaceted levels of the cultural dynamics have left writers baffled with how to describe the functioning chaos that ensues when the participants interact with one another, serving only to activate and propel their chaotic tendencies in a hermeneutic spiral. Few writers have accurately described this active element in New Orleans culture.  It takes someone with keen observation skills, a penchant for social analysis and an intimate knowledge of the cultural landscape.

John Kennedy Toole holds just this trinity in his work Confederacy of Dunces providing a topographic map of New Orleans personalities.  The main character, Ignatius J. Reilly, is an over schooled and uninspired 30-something living in his mothers home in Uptown New Orleans.  The reader delves even deeper into the mind of the New Orleans mentality through the writings of Ignatius explaining in great detail his many schemes and organizational aspirations.  The writings are so detailed into the worldview of the protagonist that I couldn’t help but share some of my favorite excerpts from Ignatius’ writings in the novel:

“The only excursion of my life outside of New Orleans took me through the vortex to the whirlpool of despair: Baton Rouge…New Orleans is, on the other hand, a comfortable metropolis which has a certain apathy and stagnation which I find inoffensive.”

“…I avoid that bleak first hour of the working day during which my still sluggish senses and body make every chore a penance.  I find that in arriving later, the work which I do perform is of much higher quality.”

“Their movement into power will be, in a sense, only a part of the global movement toward opportunity, justice, and equality for all.  (For example, can you name one good, practicing transvestite in the Senate?  No! These people have been without representation long enough.  Their plight is a national, a global disgrace.)”

With a Dr. Nut in my belly and a Lucky Dog on my chin, I say good day!